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Tuesday

Trump to cancel 4 Billion dollar contract with Boeing for new Air Force One

Donald Trump has just announced that when president he will either cancel or renegotiate the 4 billion dollar agreement with Boeing for two new Air Force One 747-8 aircraft.  Trump claims this cost is vastly over-inflated.
On a somewhat related note an obscure farmer from Randolph County, Missouri has informed reporters that after years of investigation, he had finally determined the source of small brown balls falling from the sky on his rural farm fields.  It seems the farmer, who wishes to remain anonymous, somehow determined that the source of these mysterious irregular shaped golf ball sized objects was none other than the Presidential plane (Air Force One).  After much research it was determined that the Boeing 747-8 was dumping it's 1000 gallon sewage holding tanks on it frequent flights from Andrews Air Force base to the left coast.  It seems the holding tanks were programed to release their bomb load over the same GPS co-ordinates on each trip.  Of course, this is nothing new, as elites like Obama have been crapping on flyover country for decades. 
Once the irate farmer found out the source of the falling turds, he was determined to return the favor.  It seems that farmer "X" as we will call him began to grow some of the most expensive veggies in the world---Kabu Turnips, Daikon Radishes, and Kyoto Red Carrots---using the god-given fertilizer falling from the heavens for his plants.  Plants that were destined for the White House dinner table and designated elitists gourmet restaurants on both the east and west coast.  When asked about the reason for his actions, farmer "X" replied, "we've taken enough crap from those bastards in Washington and I was just returning fire."

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