Brain-Eating Zombies Launch Vicious Attacks on Conservative Strongholds across America

ZOMBIE ATTACK ON CONSERVATIVE STRONGHOLD

REPORTS HAVE BEEN COMING IN ACROSS AMERICA OF BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIES ATTACKING SMALL TOWNS AND RURAL AREAS.  STRANGELY ONLY SPORADIC ATTACKS HAVE BEEN REPORTED IN THE LARGE URBAN CITIES WITH NONE OCCURRING IN WASHINGTON AND SAN FRANCISCO.  BOTH THE EAST COAST AND WEST COAST ARE ONLY REPORTING SPARSE INCURSIONS BY THESE BRAIN-EATING CREATURES.  HOWEVER REPORTS COMING OUT OF FLY-OVER COUNTRY HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THOUSANDS FROM OUR GREAT UNIVERSITIES HAVE  FLOCKED TO THE "ZOMBIE BANNER".

THE REASON FOR THIS IS NO LONGER A MYSTERY.  IT NOW APPEARS THAT CERTAIN ELEMENTS OF THE GENERAL POPULATION ARE IMMUNE FROM THESE VICIOUS ATTACKS. 

APPARENTLY THESE BRAIN-LOVING ZOMBIES SEE LITTLE BENEFIT IN ATTACKING MINDLESS INDIVIDUALS, AS THEY DO NOT VIEW THEM AS A FOOD SOURCE AND ARE WELCOMING  BRAINLESS ACADEMICS AND PROGRESSIVE LIBERALS TO THEIR GROWING RANKS.  AT THIS TIME IT IS ALSO BEING REPORTED THAT ISRAEL'S CABINET HAS BEEN CALLED INTO SESSION WITH PRIME MINISTER, BIBI NETANYAHU, CALLING FOR A NUCLEAR STRIKE OF THE LEAST EFFECTED AREAS IN THE UNITED STATES.  AN ATTACK THAT WOULD BEGIN ON WASHINGTON D.C. USING THE OBAMA WHITE HOUSE AS GROUND ZERO.