Breaking News: Iran has become a Nuclear Power

TODAY IN A HASTILY CALLED NEWS CONFERENCE AYATOLLAH ALI KHAMENEI, THE SUPREME LEADER OF THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN ANNOUNCED THAT A SHOCKING DISCOVERY WAS MADE AT AN ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG NEAR THE ANCIENT PERSIAN CITY OF PERSEPOLIS LOCATED SOME 60 km NORTHEAST OF THE MODERN DAY IRANIAN CITY OF SHIRAZ.  THE AYATOLLAH TREMBLED AS HE READ HIS SHORT STATEMENT TO THE ASSEMBLED PRESS.  IT APPEARS THAT A TEAM OF IRANIAN ARCHEOLOGIST AT THE PERSEPOLIS SITE HAVE UNEARTHED A CACHE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS.  THE WEAPONS DATE BACK TO THE DAYS OF "CYRUS THE GREAT" AND ARE A CLEAR INDICATION THAT THE PERSIANS OF SOME 2500 YEARS AGO WERE MUCH MORE SCIENTIFICALLY ADVANCED THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT.  KHAMENEI WAS QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT IRAN DID NOT BREAK ANY RULES REGARDING NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION BECAUSE THESE NUKES WERE FOUND AND NOT MADE BY THE EXISTING GOVERNMENT. 

PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS SAID TO BE ECSTATIC UPON LEARNING OF THIS GREAT DISCOVERY AND WAS QUICK TO PRAISE THE EXCEPTIONALISM OF THE ANCIENT PERSIANS.  
by Ron Russell