Increased Influx of Martyrs Leaves Paradise Facing Severe Virgin Shortages

A disturbing report released by a spokesman in Heaven revealed that the afterlife paradise is on the verge of facing a severe virgin supply crisis. According to the Koran, every martyr entering heaven is guaranteed 72  virgin girls upon his arrival. Alas, an influx in martyrs in recent years due to increased turmoil among radical Islamists has rendered the hereafter Utopia struggling to meet the demand of increased numbers of fanatical militants killed in the name of Allah. The spokesman, who wished to remain anonymous, noted, “nothing like this has occurred since the Crusades. Fortunately at that point we had a surplus of virgins to give out. After 1400 years of Jihad though, our supplies are becoming limited and aren’t replenishing fast enough to keep up with the demand!  

Thanks to The Mideast Beast