Glimpse of Top 14 Headlines from the year 2100

After years of study by astute prognosticators at S.H.I.T (Sam Houston University of Technology) researchers are now able to predict within a .0001% of accuracy the headlines that will be viewed by the well indoctrinated automatons of that era. 

1.  Hell freezes over; global-warming deniers exploit incident to mislead public

2.   Male silverback gorilla elected to serve on PETA board of directors; feminist gorillas resign in protest

3.   Harvard researchers find new proof that national deficit of $500 trillion is Bush's fault

4.   Last living Republican succumbs to euthanasia; few even remember the name of outlawed party in post-political era beyond 2030

5.   Hollywood studios: John Wayne, Gary Cooper, and Humphrey Bogart to be airbrushed out of all movies and replaced by Matt Damon, George Clooney, and Denzel Washington

6.   Public education reaches important milestone as all New York schools report 100% identical test scores in reading, writing, and arithmetic

7.   Man gets 10 years hard labor for starting a business in competition with government services

8.   Iceland declared pariah nation for failure to live up to UN racial diversity standards

9.   As Iran resumes missile bombardment of European cities, EU intensifies pressure on Israel to dismantle settlements

10.  Court faces hate-crime quandary as Hispanic teen attacks gay man protesting construction of mosque

11.  Chicago Olympics threatened by advancing glaciers; police rounds up local global-warming deniers as a preventive measure

12.  Court rules to dismantle US beef industry, convert barns and pens into rest homes for elderly cows, bulls, and the transbovined

13.  Necrophiliacs demand marriage rights; gravediggers’ union threatens walkout

14. World to end as Asteroid 'Trump-1', named after the 45th president, crashes into Earth on December 31, 2100