Thousands in danger as Lead Poisoning becomes Airborne in Chicago

Many citizens of Flint, Michigan have fled that city because of the imminent danger of lead poisoning posed by consuming the city's water supply.  However upon arrival in the Windy City they were shocked, shocked to learn that the lead poisoning bug there had mutated and was now airborne.  Apparently now, you can be affected by this often fatal disease, by merely waiting for the metro.  Drinking contaminated fluid is no longer required. Of course,  city officials are down-playing this threat to public health by insisting that regulations on devices spewing these toxic pathogens will be strengthened and that violators will be given a 30 day sentence in the Cook County Jail if they have previous violations on their rap sheet.  Furthermore Mayor Rahm Emanuel has promised to confiscate any such device found in the hands of an undocumented alien and release them with a stern warning.